Whether you have been married five years or fifty, you can always be a better husband. A marriage takes hard work and accountability, not only to our partners but to ourselves. If you are looking for ways to be a better husband, try some of these steps in your marriage.

Get to know your wife more and spend quality time with her 

Sometimes in marriage, we forget that our partner is ever-growing and ever-changing. There is always something else to discover about your wife that can help you be a better husband. Do you know what her favorite band is? What’s on her bucket list? Who does she admire? Keep track of these things and start to realize her tastes and wants out of life. Doing this often and repeatedly helps you be a better husband by growing with her. Be part of her journey and how she changes. Put your phone away and be in the moment when you ask questions. You take an active role in how your wife came to be and who she will become in the future. 

Just listen

One of the best ways to be a better husband is to just listen when your wife talks. Sometimes we want to offer solutions to the problem our partners present to us, but that can ignore her need to confide in someone. Often times, there is not a solution to the problem or not much can be done to negate the hurt. Husbands need to show empathy for their spouses by just listening. You need to acknowledge their emotions and understand why they took the actions they did. They will ask for your advice when they need it. Being a better husband means you don’t need to solve everything, just be there.

Create something together

We aren’t just talking about kids. Try your hand at something creative like pottery or painting. Get involved in a hobby together that will allow you to both be creative. This doesn’t have to be something fancy. Renovating or adding onto your home together can help bring you closer. The important thing is that you learn to work with each other and have open communication. You will be a better husband when you know you can conquer anything with your wife. It is also amazing to be able to point to something and say “My wife and I made that ten years ago!” History becomes intertwined with love and hard work, as all relationships are.

Write love letters

Take time out of your week and handwrite your wife a love letter. Not only will you find yourself falling in love while you write, but she will too. When times get tough in a relationship you can pull out those letters and remember just exactly how far you’ve come. Becoming a better husband and a better couple is like tending a garden. The seeds you plant now will bloom bright, but you must continue to plant more to see the colors year-round.

Do things without boasting about it

So you did the dishes without having to be asked. Great job! Do you know what will really make your wife happy? Cuddling up next to her instead of talking about it. Letting the actions speak for themselves is often more powerful than stating it. You are a better husband when you don’t boast about your actions but just enjoy your time together. There is always going to be more tomorrow, why waste precious time? 

Learn to be vulnerable

It can be hard to express our feelings and let someone in. However, this is your life partner. They need to know who you are when the walls come down. Your wife needs to know that you are human and feel pain just like other humans. It can be difficult, but you will be a better husband when you let your partner know that you trust them. Your relationship will grow, but so will your empathy for others. Having moments of emotional vulnerability is a powerful foundation for couples to build on. Start slowly by talking about your day, but always dig deeper. Little by little, let your partner see the real you.

You can be honest without being hurtful

Tone matters a lot. If your go-to phrase is “I’m just being honest,” you probably have some evaluating to do. You may dislike her friends or find them toxic, but attacking your partner is not going to solve your problem. It may have the opposite effect. If we cannot be honest without being sensitive, how can our wives? More importantly, can we allow grace for each other when mistakes are made? Be thoughtful, kind, and generous even when you have a criticism. Don’t try to make your partner feel stupid, be empathetic.

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